I Won't Let This Build Up Inside of Me...

I never once fail to pull your picture out from the dusty folders in my brain when I listen to that particular part in the song, Vermilion by Slipknot. I'm sure whether it's the words or the music build up in that song. No matter how loud, or how heavy the tune can be, the words I won't let this build up inside of me just makes me wanna touch your face smoothly and gently. Contrast I know but these words from this song somehow calms me by thinking about you. Carve my name in my face, to recognize I always get that part wrong, not by mis-singing a word, but purposely singing it the way I like... Carve YOUR name in my face I just feel like doing that. I'm far from you, not geographically only, but far and broken in the sense of relationship. No matter what I do to forget you, my mind dilates into a pensive, reminiscing about your pure and honest behaviour. All I want, is to be with you, for one more time; that's what I told myself before I flew here. I even wanted to give you something that you misplaced. But whatever I give you, will never ever replace whatever you have, or misplaced. I took a little bit of you along with me. I see it everyday, I touch and feel it everyday, and heck, I even rub it on my face gently wishing that it was you who is doing that. I kiss it once in awhile. I somehow still have this weird feelings for you. I don't know, I just love the past, because you were in it. But at the same time, I hate it, because I want you to be in the present, instead of the past. Shoot me, kill me, carve your name on my face.

She isn't real? She IS real. Very dear to my heart, very very dear to my heart.